Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
