ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
