Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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