She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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