My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
