Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
