Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
