You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
