Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
