I wish i was in the wii world.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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