Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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