Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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