More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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