And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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