It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Found your dick twin last night
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
