I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
