Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
