Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He felt like a one man threesome
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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