Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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