New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
