just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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