Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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