Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
