K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Couch. On fire.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
