I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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