My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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