He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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