when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
