Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
