How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
