Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
