I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
