How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
