I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
