I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
