I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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