Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
