No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
