So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
