her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
