Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
