Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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