Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
