I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
