McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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