My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
