The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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