i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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