Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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