she was so not down for the gang bang
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
