Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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